The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: Mel on September 02, 2012, 09:48:51 am
-
Hi everyone! :wave:
I have not been on for a while,disappeared into oblivion after my Mum passed away :'( :'( :'(,I am trying to get back to normal-whatever that might be,but it is not very easy I must say.Hurts like hell,going around like a headless chicken and making mistakes-like I only went and sold my Pig arc,hate myself for that,that was peer pressure over the smallholding supposedly being too much for me to cope with,what with my very very long attempt in getting another business up and running,to which I don't know. :-\
I could concentrate on playing my sax alongside selling vintage musical instruments on the web,Or just lose myself in my smallholding and stay relatively poor,the instrument business would give me a really good income-like 30-50k p.a. But,do I really wish for this????? :-\
There is something to be said for struggling,doing your own thing,growing and rearing your own food,inventing things which work to make life easier on the smallholding.Thing is,Do I wish to become rich and what is the point? you cannot take it with you,if you buy your own home the government takes up to half when you pass away,like you are taxed until and after you have died. >:(
Part of me feels,give them Nothing! :thumbsup:They only put it in their pockets as bonuses anyway-and in the process destroy the country-which is a mess..but nothing different there.So it is all crap,crap and more crap! Sorry,guess I am just in a bit of a mess and not really knowing which path to take at the moment,suggestions most welcome!(in other words,Help!) :thinking:
I spent the last week with my Step Dad,we went on the razz and my head still hurts.I have come down to earth again,come to my favourite place-TAS and hopefully coming back shall help me get through and on the right path?!
lots of love.
Melx
-
hi mel. youve been missed hun. :thumbsup: :hug:
-
Hello Mel, big :hug: to you.
It is still early days for you, ups and downs are all normal :hug:
I would say do nothing major at the moment, things will still be fogged, but it will clear as time passes. The sun will shine again :sunshine:
Perhaps enjoy your smallholding and have the instruments sold as a hobby just to keep the income coming that you need to be financially comfortable. Just a thought as I don't really know your setup or how viable this would be time wise for you.
Whatever you decide, there is still TAS to chat on :thumbsup: you have been a miss, welcome back :wave:
-
Hello again! :wave:
Sorry to hear about your mum. This miserable summer's probably not helped if you're here in the soggy south.
I don't feel qualified to advise anyone on career path, but from my personal experience, I'd say it's a mistake to follow the advice of others - you need to do what feels right for you. Although having an income source that's independent of the smallholding is a good thing - If you can keep the business ticking over enough for a subsistence income?
I sometimes feel we are brainwashed into thinking we need to earn as much as possible - just so we can support the system. As long as you have enough and are happy that's what's important.
I'd say don't rush into any decision either - don't sell any more arks! ;)
marcus
-
Welcome back :hug:
I'm sorry about your mum, I know it's such a cliche but it will hurt less as time passes :bouquet:
I think you need to give yourself a bit of time too before you make any decisions, time to grieve and time to start to feel normal again........there's no rush, is there ?
We're all here if you need us :-*
Take care, Karen x
-
Very sorry to hear about your mum..big hugs to u..as for a career path..i believe you must do what makes you happy ..we live to our means anyhow..
I would love to do something that made me happy but poor than be stressed to the max trying to earn the better money..
Take it slow, dont rush. Grieve and be kind to your self ..heidi xxxx :hug:
-
:hug: :hug: :hug: :bouquet: :-* :-* :-*
So sorry for your sad news, mel. Good on yer coming here and shouting for help. Just tell us what you need! :hug:
They do always say not to make big changes for 12 months after a close bereavement, don't they? If you can afford to give yourself time, doing what makes sense to you, makes you happy / feel grounded, feels safe and healing, would make sense to me. Your real friends will support you in whatever choices you feel are in your best interests :-* (Although you need one or two will tell you when you shouldn't sell that ark ;) :D)
I know what a shambles I was after marriage breakup; just getting through each day was a major achievement at first. Having animals depending on me was essential, stopped me being too self-absorbed and made me get out and do stuff.
And having internet friends I could really talk to helped a lot too - so you just pipe up whenever you need to hear a friendly voice, have a rant or sob or whatever. Big kiss and hug, love.
-
Hi Mel. I'm so glad you have come back to your friends here. We only have one Mum and when she goes it hurts so much - it doesn't matter what age you are, young or old, she's still your mum. Lots of hugs :hug: :hug:
As everyone's said - don't take any big decisions yet, but there's no harm in mulling it over. As someone else has said, perhaps you could do a bit of both to keep things ticking over until you decide just where you want to be - rich or happy 8)
-
I took me years to stop thinking 'I'll ring Mom and tell her'
-
6 years on and the pain is still there :'( . I don't think some folk ever 'get over' their loss - but you do learn to live with the pain. Meanwhile, do whatever makes you feel happy and is good for you :bouquet: - having a financial cushion does make it easier though ;) ;)
-
You can afford to take your time in making the right decision , don't rush it, money allows you to be miserable in warmth & comfort, :hug:
-
Leghorn, sorry for your loss :bouquet: There isn't anything I can say that others haven't already said, although I think the best bit of advice is to give yourself some time before making any big decisions.
I took me years to stop thinking 'I'll ring Mom and tell her'
Moleskins I don't know how many years your took but my mum died in 2003 and I still think I will ring and tell her.
Sally
-
I took me years to stop thinking 'I'll ring Mom and tell her'
I do that too. Also, when one of the animals does something funny I think "Oh Mum would have loved to see that". Its seven years since she died and I still miss her, though I often get this funny feeling that she is looking after me from afar.
Im so sorry for YOUR sad loss leghorn. We will all be here for you should you want to let off steam or throw a wobbly. Im sure you will make the right decision about your future WHEN the time is right for you to make it. You'll know when that time is, Im sure.
Big hugs coming your way from France.
Maryx :hug: :bouquet:
-
Losing a parent is very hard and not something you ever get over, more like learn to cope. Take your time, rush into nothing, do what makes you happy that is what is imporatant. :hug:
-
Welcome back Mel, glad to see you online again. :) :thumbsup:
-
:wave: Welcome back and sorry for your loss :bouquet:
-
So sorry to hear of your loss and wish I could say something to make it hurt less. :hug: :hug: :hug: It will take time and I don't think you ever get over such a major loss. You just learn to live without the person you love. Meanwhile, as others have said, don't rush into making any decisions. It's far too soon. Give yourself a year or more, then do what feels right for you. :bouquet: :bouquet: :bouquet:
-
Thank you everyone for your kind words. :hug:
I am already going through the phone syndrome,must speak to Mum about it,all of this happened so quickly,over two months. :'( Mum seemed to go downhill rapidly after chemo and radiotherapy,it was really shocking the severity of the treatment.Earlier in the year,people would say-your Mum looks very young for her age. :-\
After the first treatment,she looked like a really frail elderly lady,such a drastic change,*sigh*,I have been reading the e-mails and listening to the answer phone messages.Makes you see that life is precious,being here and gone in a flash,just like that.
My Gran passed away earlier this year too,I think that also had a major effect on Mum,and my real Dad 2 years ago,it is really sad losing everyone in such a short time. :(
Today is another day,and a nice one,I have chicks just hatched,chicks at 12 and 18 weeks of age,am having a major war against the worst red mite infestation I have ever seen-one the one and only hut I have not creosoted-that stuff does work.The sun is shining and everything is in it's place on the smallholding. Tomatoes have gone rife,I cannot sell them fast enough-two greenhouses full,new potatoes are first class,all my veg has done really well after such a bad start.I just wish I could share it with my parents :'(
Oh,well,I have to tackle the world of weeds today,at least I have all of this to take my mind of off things.Thank heaven I have the smallholding,and it is nice to know I am not alone and have such lovely support from you all.xx
-
The smallholding will help and we are always here for you. Hope you're having the :sunshine: that so many of us are getting. Nothing seems quite so bad when the sun shines.