The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: jameslindsay on April 28, 2009, 07:58:55 pm
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Oh, so true. ..................
A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee claimant outside the Heathrow immigration offices.
'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in England with your wife and three children.'
The man told the fairy: 'Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.'
The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and -- PING ! -- He had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!
'What else?' asked the fairy, 'two more to go'
The refugee claimant now got bolder
'I need a big house with a three car garage in Oxford with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here.
PING! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, overlooking the river.
'One more wish,' said the fairy, waving her wand.
'Yes, one more wish.
I want to be like the British with British clothes instead of man jams, and a baseball cap instead of this turban.
And I want to have white skin like the British.'
PING! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, an Eagles T-shirt and a Billabong baseball cap.
He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon..
'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed.
'Where is my new house?'
The fairy said, 'Tough luck. Now that you are English, you're entitled to f*ck all!.'
And she disappeared!
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Good you're Scottish - not even the tooth fairies exists here anymore, she's called "dentist" and takes money instead of handing it out....:&>
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He he he, so true
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One day a man was walking along a beach
He noticed a young boy who was reaching down picking up small objects and throwing them into the sea.
He got closer and called out "Good morning may I ask what you are doing?"
The young boy paused looked up and replied "Throwing starfish into the sea."
The man bewilderedly asked "Why are you throwing starfish into the sea?"
To this the young boy replied "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in they will die."
Hearing this the man said "there is miles of beach and there is starfish along every mile? You cant possibly make a difference"
At this the young boy bent down picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea. As it met the water he said "Well it made a difference for that one."
Politically correct and true
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I'm loving this one, Relic! :&>
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cheers northfifeduckling, i find it lump in the throat material. cant take the credit for it tho a chap by the name of Loren Eiseley wrote the orginal. he was full of pearls of wisdom. heres another
"Like the herd animals we are, we sniff warily at the strange one among us."
ah sure heres one more for the road
"If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water."
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Let's all try and throw some starfish. Loved it.
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We do what we can - growing trees, rescuing the odd animal or two and throwing a starfish, should I come across one! About water - has anymone seen these wonderful pictures by a Japanese man of water different crystals? Real magic! The name's escaped me just now...:&>
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What a load of :horse: ****
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i take it u dont like starfish Tony :)
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Never eaten one :)
It's the silly :horse: **** xenophobia to which I was referring, But thanks for helping me clarifying the matter, Relic :)
And good :hshoe:
T the W
Alias :farmer: boy
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sorry i thought you were starophobic
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Tony, my log splitting friend, Xenophobia, is an unreasonable fear, distrust, or hatred of strangers, foreigners, or anything perceived as foreign or different ... If anything, jameslindsay's joke (and it was a joke me 'ol P.C flower) could be seen as an astute observation, but Xenophobic.....naw I don't think so.
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"... naw I don't think ..." Or Can't ???
The use of the expression "PC" indicates a lack of a capability for Analysis, [Maslow, A. "A hierachy of needs." ] and poor knowledge of the richness of the English Language. Akin to the constant use of f***, etc by certain elements?
Good :hshoe:
:farmer: 's boy
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Ah Tony, if only that were true my poor judgemental, misguided friend. Alas, it is not so. You remind me so much of Fawlty Towers Manuel ' I speaka da good English, I learn it from a boook'. Feel free to pontificate my friend, it might not be in the spirit of this forum, but each to his own.
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Hey, Tony, calm down. This is just one thread of many - if you don't like what James, Relic and the rest have written there are plenty of other threads to read. I just glance at this one from time to time to see if anything amuses me, then move on - like the moving finger of fate! ;)
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me thinks tony just likes to stir the pot.
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Yes, I did get that impression - I was just on my usual mediation tack ;) ;D
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The use of the expression "PC" indicates a lack of a capability for Analysis, [Maslow, A. "A hierachy of needs." ] and poor knowledge of the richness of the English Language. Akin to the constant use of f***, etc by certain elements?
Well you MUST have studied psycholodgy, are you a shrink???? When I was at colledge and Uni it was ALL PC, I have respect for people in general BUT we all have differing Hirachy of needs, my needs are very simple as they have been paired down but I consider a basic need is to be listened to...
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Sorry, forgot to spell check, as you can see, I am a no good at spelling, any work over four letters is difficult.
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Ah Tony, if only that were true my poor judgemental, misguided friend. Alas, it is not so. You remind me so much of Fawlty Towers Manuel ' I speaka da good English, I learn it from a boook'. Feel free to pontificate my friend, it might not be in the spirit of this forum, but each to his own.
??? Great Guardian of the Spirit of this Forum, are you now the self appointed Editor ??? :sheep: humbug, Sir!
:farmer:'s boy
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Hey, Tony, calm down. This is just one thread of many - if you don't like what James, Relic and the rest have written there are plenty of other threads to read. I just glance at this one from time to time to see if anything amuses me, then move on - like the moving finger of fate! ;)
Hi
V calm, but thanks for the concern. I thought Relic's "Starfish" contribution was profound and caring, So please don't attribute opinions to me that I don't have, OK ;)
fate - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time
:farmer:'s boy
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Just expressing my opinion Tony ::)
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You must be a real barrel of laughs to have around ;D
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Just expressing my opinion Tony ::)
Hi S&££
V many thanks; Great, and I'm sure that we will agree on much more than we disagree on? :hshoe: :hshoe:
Best wishes
:farmer:'s boy
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You must be a real barrel of laughs to have around ;D
Hi S&££
Yes, I am, 'cos I laugh WITH people, not AT them.
:hshoe: :hshoe:
:farmer:' B
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My friend told me that she used this site from time to time and suggested that I could find lots of good advice and friendship. So, I joined. I have read many of the threads and already found lists of help and very good suggestions. I felt I had to add my "tuppence" here as a new comer. I have spent a long time before joining this forum reading and gathering all the info and it had a feeling of a friendly and approachable place. Them, I'm sorry to say comes along Tonythewood and spoils that.
As in all walks of life there is always one person that has to spoil everything. I fear that since he is now a member with such bizarre thoughts and cocky attitude that I will not be a frequent visitor. My suggestion to him would be to bog off and leave you lovely and decent people to your forum. I think he obviously has a "chip" on his shoulder over something on life so there must be a forum out there that can deal with loosers and lowlife that would be more suited for him.
Heather
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Must add, I know loads of people with views and attitudes I don't like and, in my mixed and varied life, working with long term prisoners, sex offenders, homeless, drug and alcohol users and abusers of children and vulnerable people, I have never found 1 that I could not find something positive about, some people love to argue and seem to enjoy getting people "hot under the collar" once you understand this, the people are usually amenable and worth listening to, I certainly learned a lot from people who most people would not give the time of day to, although I did meet 1 psychopath as far as I know, he was very hard to like but I even had a laugh with him ;D ;D ;D Take some people with a pinch of salt, are views are valuable. I'm off now to get hot under the collar but this time in the sun ;)
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Heather, please don't leave the forum. You can see who posted last on a thread and can avoid any you don't want to read. You are right, generally speaking we are a very friendly, happy bunch, very comfortable with each other and our individual views. A lot of us are in the Central Belt and belong to Central Scotland Smallholders Association so we know each other outwith this forum. Sandy lives just up teh road from me - I am hot too so came inside to cool of for a while before going back out to continue painting my fence - with 9 hens, 3 ducks and drake anda cockerel to help me. I've weeded the veg so they've had their quota of worms for the day! ;D
Enjoy the forum, I am sure you will have lots to add to it.
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let us all agree to disagree when nessesary otherwise we will never get anywhere. I just think it's a pity that when so called "Jokes" are directed at people because of the colour of their skin,religion or sexual orientation, that we don't all remember that the butt of the joke is a human being just like us and is some mother's son or daughter. it's such a lovely day outside I think I shall have a gin and tonic under the umbrella1
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Lets be fair, who hasn't been the butt of jokes? Is there really any nationality that hasn't been the butt of jokes somewhere in the world? We Irish have been the butt of many a joke....did I take any of them seriously, or take offence at them....no. God if I had a pound for every joke i've heard about Essex girls, Kerry people etc. I'd be a wealthy man. Sure some jokes are distasteful, but not as distasteful as some clod standing on the high moral ground preaching rather tired politically correct rubbish, pointing his finger at everybody else.
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If in doubt do the decent thing.
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I have just recieved this from America. It's very moving I think and apparently Budweiser only aired it once as they didn't want to make money out of 9-11 .give it a look.
budweisercommercial9-111.asf (5.3 mb)
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And there will always be things we can't agree on, may it be fox hunting (lol) or politics, Tony! There is still plenty to enjoy on this forum for all of us and it would be a shame if people fall out or leave because of a difference in opinion on certainly sensitive issues! I'm going to have an ice cream outside now as I'm only drinking on one day of the week now and that was yesterday...:&>
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I have just recieved this from America. It's very moving I think and apparently Budweiser only aired it once as they didn't want to make money out of 9-11 .give it a look.
budweisercommercial9-111.asf (5.3 mb)
Don't know what it is - it doesn't load from that address. Can you give us a brief resume?
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I just put budweisercommercial9-11, a film respecting the ground where the Twin Towers were
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Its amazing how long this forum has been going, how many topics and posts, the diversity of its members, yet we all get on so well. However, every forum needs a bit of "agro" now and again to keep the blood pumping. Its the diversity of members and their opinions that make TAS such a great forum.
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I am tingling all over. What a moving film.
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Quotes from our beloved Lovespigs (aka Heather)
"I think he obviously has a "chip" on his shoulder over something on life so there must be a forum out there that can deal with loosers and lowlife that would be more suited for him."
In every walk of life there are those people that annoy others but no one has the courage to day to these people - shut up! Seems true in this case, let these simple minded folk walk all over you and your forum.
"Even more bitching, the sun must bring you nutters out!!!!! I thought you Relic were going "off line", take that other fool with you and give the rest of us peace."
for someone who loves to take the moral high ground she sure does love to insult people.
i just loved her last topic "goodbye"
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May she have a beautiful life in another forum ;)