The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: MAK on May 06, 2012, 09:19:48 am
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How good ( or bad) have your neighbours been?
I start this to share our experience and let others rant or remind themselves how kind their neighbours are.
We have been very lucky to establish a good relationship with our 4 neighbours in our little hamlet. We all exchange jams,cake and pate etc and once a week we give each of the elderly widows and one young family our spare eggs. In our first year here we have been given wheelburrow loads of fruit and veg and our neighbours also feed our pigs and ducks their salad and veg scraps daily.
BUT beyond "good neighbourly" stuff we have been touched by their kindness.
We have had our little water course cleared and the land levelled by the young farmer. He gives us bales of straw and he ( and the local hunt) humanely killed our 2 pigs the other month.
I have a partnership with one neighbour to harvest firewood from her large copse. This is a serious am mount of wood to see us both thru the very old winter we will get ( her son will come today to cart her share up the hill) .
Each of our neighbours have their veg ploughed up by one of the visiting sons. Yesterday one old lady offered 2 "lines" of her plot for us to grow potatoes in.
Our neighbours seem to have expanded our opportunity and potential to be small holders and if all our ducklings hatch then we will have enough to populate neighbours abandoned chiken runs ( these have recently been cleared by a team of 12 visiting community helpers).
The downside is that we sometimes don't get all our jobs done or are diverted by the gift of free produe that needs processing eg. apples for cider.
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mine are a bit on the mad side of things. but now the land is coming together and it is looking how i knew it would they are backing off and leaving me alone! but no help whatsoever and 2 red setters that bark all the time! but i am used to that now so no biggy. sounds like you have it good at your place Mak!
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I have superb neighbours now, they ask me to see to their two dogs if they need to leave them for longer than a couple of hours, and they do the same for me. They share extra seedlings with me, I pop round with any extra duck and hens eggs every now and then. I organised for Network Rail to mend our shared drive and lay new gravel, and as a B & B they are delighted. We trimmed back our leyland trees along the driveway together and had a lot of fun doing it. Unfortunately I was unable to go to their son's wedding last year due to being away, but received a lovely thank you card and piece of wedding cake. They are such really lovely, friendly people, and I wouldn;'t hesitate in recommending their B & B, as it is always so clean and tidy, and friendly, and they never turn anyone away.
As for the ones I left behind, apart from the lovely couple I sold my house to, they are a bunch of mean-spirited, back yard moaners, liars, cheats and NIMBYs. >:( >:( >:(
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mine are the most hideous form of human being you've ever come across. The older crofters in the area don't like a woman working the land - but its nice to see their reaction when i'm cruising around the field on the fergie in my bikini ::)
I have two woman neighbours who enjoy leaving my gates open, and damaging property, and my direct neighbour on the left hand side enjoys seeing his sheep graze my hay field - what can i say, good fences make good neighbours and a constant smile and pleasantness from me is far more annoying to them than them leaving my gates open etc. All of the neighbours who have nothing to do with crofting/farming are great and we all have a great relationship.....c'est la vie.
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My neighbours have been unfailingly helpful and friendly, the only one who is a bit more tricky as he doesnt keep his fences well together is more of a cattle baron rather than a neighbour, he doesnt live so close himself.
It makes all the difference! Only trouble is, my neighbours are so well set up that it is hard to return favours as they have everything in hand!
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We have one neighbour up hill who we barely see, I know they are 'crafts' type people and that the lady makes special knitting and crochet needles from tree branches. He sometimes walks down to buy eggs from us.
Then there are a row of 6 cottages that used to be the farm workers cottages for our house, going back some decades ;) One of them fires fireworks into our paddock on any date he chooses around 5th Nov without telling us first, another used to buy eggs from us but didn't like the speck of mud you get on free range 'real' eggs,2 young families - sweet but rarely see but have been known to knock on the door if a sheep looks poorly etc. then the elderly lady and her son next door are WONDERFUL!!! We worried about having 4 noisy children, a cockerel, goats, sheep etc but they tell me that they love it all and how fabulous it is for them to see the land being worked again, such a relief :) we give them eggs and soap and they give us tomatoes and veggies
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The house right next to me is empty at the moment and I am keeping everything crossed it stays that way. I don't want complaints about cockerels and I find being able to hear or see other humans where I live pretty stressful (I know, I'm antisocial, but that's just how I am)
The next farm down are lovely, have been very kind and helpful to me, they seem to want me to succeed on my own. The rest of the farmers in the dale are pleasant enough ie waving when we pass.
The middle class, landless incomers are horrid on the whole, partly because I'm a 'traitor' ie I'm a middle class incomer too but I'm not prepared to get indignant with them about how tidy one old farmers' place is or whether the chap with the fields next to the church is muck-spreading on a Sat.
MAK, your situation sounds lovely ;D and Holz, I'm so sorry about yours, that would make me very miserable :-\
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We have a strange relationship with ours - their youngest is in the same class as our eldest so they play together alot but...
Their house is a converted pig barn that used to belong to the farm we live in, and our house was owned by their parents. the land used to be one big field but the previous owners (mum and dad) sold the acre behind the converted barn to the barn owners as they were worried about whoever moving in building on it. They're trying to sell their place and have been for over a year but they don;'t like the fact that we run our place as a farm (clue's in the name...) as the previous owners just kept a couple of horses and cut the hay once a year. We can see thier point, they've never really said anything, but they never buy our produce or are particularly grateful when we drop them off free stuff. However, if you don't like living next to a farm, you shouldn't have built your house next to a farm.
Essentially, to our faces they're indifferent, inside they're probably raging...
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For a long time it did make me miserable, but to be honest i shrug it off now and just keep smiling, i'm a very happy approachable person and i know there is no genuine issue causing problems with them (the two woman inparticular) so i just get on with life. I was brought up to believe its not what you say that counts, its what you do.....so while they're standing at the sidelines of life having a good bitching session about me - i'm busy on the tractor or dosing animals etc. I feel these people have cut off their nose to spite their face - i can be the best neighbour in the world and i'm always the first to assist anyone if needed and i'm very community spirited - if they choose to not be part of it all, thats their choice, and their loss. They've made life hell at times, but if ever they really needed help with anything, i know i'd be the first in line to help them, they know it too, and i think that pains them greatly.
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Why are they so miserable?
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well, personality more than anything. One of them is just a very bitchy jealous person, and the other one just manipulates the first one!!
They fell out with my brother who is a direct neighbour to them, over croft land, and they were proven wrong, as a result he got rid of his livestock because they kept letting it lose on the road, and damaging his water supply (hill supply) , so he was too concerned to be able to leave his stock so he sold them - anyway, i've then just become an easy target i guess, and because they don't get a reaction from me regardless of what they do, i think it winds them up even more. These two characters are not liked by anyone in our community as they certainly appear to act without reason or justification, just because they can. They're just bullies. They don't have particularly happy lives - no.1 has a rather unpleasant husband who i believe is abbusive when drunk, and the other had a very nasty childhood, i believe they are just unhappy people and direct their anger towards the easiest target, i pity them.
It would be a lot easier if their was a genuine conflict or if i did something that they didn't approve of because then it could be resolved, but in this case, that isn't the situation.
Like i said, the situation used to make me very unhappy, but now i shrug it off, lifes too short to let people like them win by making me unhappy - and i'm a lot more productive than them because i'm not putting all my energy into negative behaviour, so i guess that makes me happy.
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Oh, and my immediate neighbours are my in-laws :-\ and they're a fricking nightmare.
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Does anyone believe in Karma? I'm not sure. I was brought up to believe that if someone is nasty to me that you don't know what is going on in their lives to make them like that - pain, no money, lost jobs, lost family etc, and in your neighbour's case. holz, abuse, but sometimes it's difficult to keep on believing that. :'(
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- but its nice to see their reaction when i'm cruising around the field on the fergie in my bikini ::)
Have you read the 'Members only' section thread "what do we all look like?"
;D :o
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ha, no moleskins, i've not....and nor will i be putting any photo's up - but if you looked at the youtube link i posted the other day, you'll see what i used to look like lol, but certainly no bikini-shots, i save them for the local crofters...
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I'm fairly new, and only have a little cottage garden, but most of the long-time residents seem happy/bemused. Various comments about it's nice to see it being tidied up but haven't I got a long way to go ;D
Immediate neighbours...well, let's just say we say hello when our paths cross, and the walls are rather thin, but they are certainly not interested in gardening/crafty/countrysidey stuff.
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We live in a scattered, rural hamlet. We call ouselves neighbours even though some of us may live 2 miles away from each other. As incomers, I think some were a bit suspicious of us at first but we have been told that we fit in ..... just perfect. Phew! Nearly everyone farms or has a smallholding of some description. We all look after each other really. In the previous bad winters, if anyone managed to get out, they would ring to find out who needed what, collect post, etc. We look after each others animals if problems occur and help each other when we can. ;D
We have some new neighbours now .... from London. They did ask me what was making the awful howling sound the other day and mentioned they had thought it sounded like wolves. .......... a cow ::) Asked me what they would see if there were bats flying around and were shocked to find out that, yes, we get midges here!!!!! Hoping they will be good neighbours and understand that our hens,quail, sheep and cockerels do make a noise sometimes. Seemed to think that the countryside was silent. We are far from anywhere and there is no background noise but there is working country noise. Mmmmm ...... we shall see.
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We depend on our neighbours for our land. They've all got a house with a paddock and we get to use the land because not one of them has the first faintest idea of rural living.
The partner in a City law firm. Absolutely charming, completely uninterested.
The former neighbour who retained a hectare when he moved away. He visits 2 or 3 times a year.
The high-frequency trader wants to do something on his land and is putting in a gate so his kids can get into it - an improvement from his precedessor who'd fenced it to be inaccessible from the garden. He actually likes gardening which is as well cos he has a hectare of nettles, dock and ragwort.
The headhunter couple are so Margo and Jerry.
The GP and advertising exec are one of our best friends and our boys are mowing their garden. But they both work, she's one week short of giving birth amd the have a toddler.
They all get meat and preserves, but No actual help
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Does anyone believe in Karma? I'm not sure. I was brought up to believe that if someone is nasty to me that you don't know what is going on in their lives to make them like that - pain, no money, lost jobs, lost family etc, and in your neighbour's case. holz, abuse, but sometimes it's difficult to keep on believing that.
I think people behave badly because they're unhappy or damaged for whatever reason. All the grief in the world, large and small, is caused by unhappy people. A good reason to work at being as happy as possible :)
And I think the karma is now, here in this life. As in people who are unpleasant - well that's the best they get from life, that low level, grubby and grim satisfaction, not real joy or true happiness. So actually, they get their comeuppance like that.
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Does anyone believe in Karma? I'm not sure. I was brought up to believe that if someone is nasty to me that you don't know what is going on in their lives to make them like that - pain, no money, lost jobs, lost family etc, and in your neighbour's case. holz, abuse, but sometimes it's difficult to keep on believing that.
I think people behave badly because they're unhappy or damaged for whatever reason. All the grief in the world, large and small, is caused by unhappy people. A good reason to work at being as happy as possible :)
And I think the karma is now, here in this life. As in people who are unpleasant - well that's the best they get from life, that low level, grubby and grim satisfaction, not real joy or true happiness. So actually, they get their comeuppance like that.
I agree with both of you. And with holz that the best way to deal with it is to keep your good karma and be nice.
We luckily have good neighbours.
Maybe those with bad neighbours should send them a few episodes of "My name is Earl" ;D
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Well I am very lucky all my neighbours are great and one of them looks after my animals when I need them to, They all are very interested in my enterprises and I could not ask for better people. I supply them with some lamb and eggs free because they are so nice.
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We are very lucky with ours, Three neighbouring farmers that always help you out when needed without being in your face all the time, one of them scans our goats for free and I feed his pigs when he wants a weekend away, another one lends me his stock trailer when I want it and helps me out with the odd bale of straw. the third comes and empties our slurry pit and fixes tractors they only have to lift the phone if they want me. so a good bit of backscratching goes on.
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We only have neighbours as such on one side - 100 yards away - and they are FAB. The 'same side of the lane' neighbours are the family farmers - they originally owned the field and tumbledown cottage that we now have. They got the planning permission for the cottage and then sold it and the field at auction and we then bought it a year later. They have been very helpful when we have needed advice but have not been 'hanging over the garden fence'.
The other 2 houses in our little group are made up of the farmer's son and daughter in law, and then a family who moved down from London 5 years before we did. The son and his wife again have been really great - same vein as the parents - but the other family are a bit more 'self contained' - there seems to have been some major bustup between them and the farmer family so no love lost between them, but we are on 'how do' terms.
We gave all our neighbours some joints from our first pigs - and we get jams and cakes at christmas from the farmer family.
Basically we couldn't ask for better neighbours :D :D :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
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Oh, and my immediate neighbours are my in-laws :-\ and they're a fricking nightmare.
Mine too ::)
My father has a hoarding habit and as soon as we clear a space (to make it look at least half tidy !) he fills it with some more rusty, rotten old junk, or 'bargain' ebay purchase :-\
My mother is just mental and as soon as we plan to do something - whether go out, head out logging, fencing etc, something more important of her's that needs done just happens to come up and it's demanded that Bruce and I help :( That's fine and while it's inconvienient we can re-plan, but there's never any return offer of help or even a thanks >:(
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we live next door to the churchyard, so ours are mostly quiet.
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:D
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we live next door to the churchyard, so ours are mostly quiet.
;D ;D Bit concerned about the ones who aren't quiet. ;)
We are in a slightly different position in that we live in a town but we do have good neighbours. On one side is a lady in her late sixties who is not in the best of health. She loves the goats but hates hens so we don't have any. We do things for her like pick up prescriptions and I check her blood pressure regularly. She will always take in parcels, rings up to let us know if anything is wrong (such as when the felt on the goat shed roof was flapping in the wind) and is happy for us to go into her garden to fix our stuff (such as goat shed roof). The other side is a lady in her 80s with alzeimers and her son in his late forties who is her carer. They have amanic dog who used to bark a lot becsue the older lady used to put him out for an hour or more, let him back in then five minutes later put him back out because she'd forgotten he'd just been out. Since her son has given up work to look after her, the dog is much better. We chat over the hedge about fruit and veg and he has given me one or two bits. The other side of him are a lovely couple and grown up son who are always willing to help. The husband has fed goats before now when we had no one else to ask and is always willing to help lift anything heavy. He and his son helped carry my lovely Snowflake into her shed when she was dying as she had collapsed onto a broken bench. No complaints about anyone else in the row either. I often find bags of shredded paper on my doorstep.
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We have one next door who we talk to and the rest are without doubt the most vile individuals we have ever had the misfortune to encounter. The old adage 'birds of a feather flock together' couln't be more true. We moved into a 'a nest of vipers' in this little isolated hamlet. Foolishly two ordinary unpretencious people bought the largest of the properties with the most land and were hated and despised for it. I could bore you all with tales of foul deeds we have endured over the last 12 years that would astound you. How could anyone possibly that evil, vindictive, devious, dishonest and manipulative you would ask? Easy, they think that is normal behavior because they have acted like it all their lives. Still, we are out of here as fast as we can get, which is certainly not fast enough for our liking!
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we have two close neighbours, well two fields away anyway and they are good as gold :) One is a fab artist the other is an acupunturist and a fab horsewoman ....handy :D
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By and large our neighbours are fine. We are on speaking terms with all of them and pretty friendly with a few. However they don't all get on with each other and the gossip can be ferocious. There are 8 houses up our lane. They all seem quite pleased that the land is being made use of and they do get eggs from us at times. They all love my OH as he is a sparky by trade and everyone seems to have an electrical job they need doing. He has been round to our farmer neighbour on many occasions when his milking parlour has packed up. I was chatting to one of my neighbours this evening and he did make a pointed comment about the noisy cockerels. Mind you he was a bit pissed and he ended the conversation by kissing my hand! I did tell him that I had just been cleaning out chicken drinkers!!
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Oh, and my immediate neighbours are my in-laws :-\ and they're a fricking nightmare.
Mine too ::)
My father has a hoarding habit and as soon as we clear a space (to make it look at least half tidy !) he fills it with some more rusty, rotten old junk, or 'bargain' ebay purchase :-\
My mother is just mental and as soon as we plan to do something - whether go out, head out logging, fencing etc, something more important of her's that needs done just happens to come up and it's demanded that Bruce and I help :( That's fine and while it's inconvienient we can re-plan, but there's never any return offer of help or even a thanks >:(
Given our time again we wouldn't have made the move to be with my in-laws. We bought the place to 'live the dream' that they'd had for decades. We got the chickens, we got the pigs, we got the sheep, we got the cows. They then decided that they hated the lifestyle and have nothing to do with it >:( >:( >:(
we're starting to make money through various ventures with a big project coming up - suddenly they're interested again, but it ebbs and flows. My MIL is a control freak who suffers from manic-depression and seems to think that her daughter's life (Mrs Captain) is terrible. Actually, Mrs Captain loves her life but no matter how much the MIL is told she won't have it.
Oh, and it's always my fault. ;D
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Oh, and it's always my fault
well, obviously ;)
seems to think that her daughter's life (Mrs Captain) is terrible
mmmm, no projection going on there then, wonder exactly who's dream it was?
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I so wish that O.H's mother lived next door (I love her dearly) instead of the ####%@## who lives there now.
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At the end of the day - much as we try and hide it - our insides do show. Those who are ugly on the outside are ten times uglier on the inside and they have to live with that 24/7.
When people behave crappily I just wonder what it must be like to walk a mile in their head and a grateful that I am happy, fulfilled and healthy through and through.
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Ive got four neighbours that border our land. One runs a B+B with a 'hay hotel' (German thing!) they regularly bring scraps for the chooks and are lovely. The next house had an old lady and her son...I think the old lady must have died and the son may have another house elsewhere as I only see him occasionally when he mows the grass...very friendly though. The old boy who shares our drive died in Jan, The son is taking over the house as a holiday home but live over an hour away...again very plesant. Our fourth neighbour has a very friendly husband with a funny(not haha)wife. But she is funny with everyone so its not us!!
I also have other neighbours from accross the road who come over with peelings/scraps and for a chat...well it makes me improve my German even if I dont understand every thing they say!
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We only have 2 neighbours, next door and across the field. Next door are 'new money' people, she's ok a bit dim he is a complete *********, they have no control over their dogs, who pinned my son against a fence and bit him, they constantly block our access and built a massive eyesore house and ripped lots of trees out. I am waiting to win the lottery so I can buy them out and flatten the house ::)
Across the field are ok, keep themselves to themselves really.
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Our immediate neighbours with whom we share a party wall and a driveway have gone away for a few days. I know this only because granny and the woman who looks after their cats are visiting and the enormous BMW is missing. And I know the woman who's looking after their cats, but only because I challenged her when I saw her poking around the house while her husband was parked outside the gate.
Perhaps they think that the Neighbourhood Watch sign at the end of the road applies to someone else. They have a front door lock which you could open with a spoon to get the keys to the other BMW, the two week old one.
We are on good terms, and I was parking my (old and very uncool) car when they left. It would have taken ten seconds to say "hi, we're off for a few days". Unless they've buried the kids in the garden and gone for good....
I'll get my shovel.
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I have this hankering to have a house/cottage/shack at least a mile from my nearest neighbour. If it were only me I would find something in the fastness of Wales or Scotland or Ireland or somewhere and live there stress free with my animals. :pig: :dog: :chook: :&> :sheep: :)
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Our neighbours are OK in that we all just get on with our lives and are civil to each other when we see each other. The people up the way are very secretive. I think he is a retired copper or they're on a witness protection scheme or something. I only worked out their surnames when I read the electoral role for our ward upside down at the recent local elections. When we first arrived we went and knocked on their door to say hello and introduce ourselves. She opened the upstairs window and said she couldn't come down as she was dusting ??? ??? ??? (she did look fully dressed!!)
The other side chap lives with his sister. A real tinker. Won't spend money on anything and the vet's been round on animal welfare issues in the past. His yard's a mess and even his sheep look tatty. He's always snooping about and has allegedly stolen licks and stuff from people's fields....but - having said that - I always stop for a chat when I bump into him and he's friendly enough and full of wisdom. He's alright really but my OH hates him.
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Hmmm, dusting? I've heard it called all sorts but dusting?? :-\ ;D
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Our Neighbours! not very friendly.
we live in a rural hamlet with eight houses, two are pleasant and friendly.
The others are as i would describe as thick or dour. maybe this because i own and rent the land around them
One chap told me i was walking over everyone. I use the place, not sitting watching TV.
no egg sales , but can take them for free.
The good side is no one interferes with anything,
Oh! to live down a lane with no near neighbours.
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Years ago we moved out of town to a edge-of-town estate and realised that while in Central London we thought we were overlooked it was nothing to the 7 houses that now shared the view of our garden with us. We couldn't stick it and bought a wrecked house in the nearest town centre to do up. The shop on one side never used its garden, the office block behind was empty at weekends so it was far more private.
The suburban neighbours were all competing for newest/fastest/glitziest car or biggest house extension. Hideous.
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Neighbour update.
yesterday a neighbour ( house just visible on a hill across the lake) popped over to offer us some rabbits. We accepted and will collect on Thursday if I can find a sack.
BUT -
The concrete rabbit hutches we found and constructed about 3 months ago are now being used by our new muscovey ducks (mums sitting on their clutches).
We explained the situation to our neighbour as we gave her some rhubarb and custard cake and before we could ask to buy her unused rabbit hutches she had offered them to us.
So a good bit of neighbourly recycling notched up - but she did mention how she loved rabbit and that they are expensive in the supermarkets ! ;D
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i havent got any neighbours, just as well really. the closest are about 3/4mile away, they live and work on the estate as do i, so we help each other out as often as possible. all very civil.
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MAK, custard cake sounds intriguing. How do you make it?