The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: Fluffywelshsheep on April 06, 2009, 07:21:31 pm
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Oh my goodness i have such a day today,
All involving my sd, !!!!
all i can say is she is being a self centre snecket B
she has been causing trouble between previous boyfriends and current ones which in turn involve her mum which is currently on a fine line herself (mental illness) which intern we get it because we get it from her mum.
Oh and not to mention she made her mum (who is a push over) drive her all the way to the other side of Edinburgh (Cochenzie) in the middle of the night, where she is currently hiding from current ex-boyfriend with previous by boyfriend
So i now got a stress head ache and getting fed up with everyone phoning the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
please take her away !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i know i had my moment but i didn't think i was that bad when i was younger
Sorry for rant !
Linz
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I don't want her, but most of us have kids who have their "moments of madness"
Mine is only 16 and has such moments, I just keep hoping that the light at the end of the tunnel is coming up
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mine is 19 years old and should no better by now !!!!!!!!!
especially with all the rubbish she pulled already
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Sorry cant help
got my hands full with a 10 yr old princess. Her mother and her cannot bear to be away from each other. Which is baffling when you hear them together.
Try swapping her for a boy
My boy is super cool
He does a mean impression of me chilled on the sofa ;D
8)
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oh dear linz, cant help you there, my 3 girls do have their stroppy moments the joys of being a parent. at least the jack russell understands me......................neil
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At least you have a dog to confide in. I only have a goldfish which is another thing that she dumped on us at least it wasn't a Jack Russel puppy that she dumped on her mum.
I think my head is going to exploded.
I think im gona have to ban her from the house, lol
I don't think she like me anymore but we used to be like best friend/sisters when she lived here then she flipped the coin and i can't talk to her anymore as she is a total different person.
Linz
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Have faith!!
Don't engage in any form of fighting with them, they always strop, shout, slam and threaten to make your life better by leaving. Its usually followed by a "you don't want me" scream and then floods of tears whiuch they feel is their god damn right to do, because " you've never had to deal with this" and "you'll never understand".
I wish I had a fiver for every huff and strop, I'd be rich enough to turn back time and snip my ovaries!!!
Have some chocolate, buy some useless piece of gadget that you think you need from the net and dream of childless days of frolicing in the grass!!!
If needed I'll despatch my dog for the purpose of confiding in, her ears are big and ready!!
x
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lol, Yeap had all that, also had 'I don't feel part of this family' to her dad and mum 'why do you always make me choices '
But am surprise and was waiting for it. ' Your not my mother' but never had that one lol
I know kids are kids just needed to rant because i had a full 4 hours of ranting from her mother this afternoon which i could do with out.
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Yup, and it's the stepmothers that are supposed to be wicked...
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Just say ' I'm sorry, the baby is making me feel ill, I must go and lie down. You must leave now.' Then go into another room and wait for them to go.
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Stop worrying what the girl is up to, she is old enough to look after herself. You need rest, peace and quite and if she cannot give you that then ban her from the house. You and the baby come first. Could be she is jealous. I have three sons and three stepsons and refuse to take any carry on. They are all grown up but at one point they expected their dad to bail them out of all their money worries. (stepsons that is ) I started work at 15 and had to help out with money to support my younger brothers. Todays kids expect far too much from their parents >:(
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This is normal behaviour, I had three girls, then I did specialist Foster Care for hard to place cared for children/young people and guess what?, they were nearly ALL girls and teenage girls at that. The best way is to remain as calm as possible, not enter into arguments even better get out of the way as soon as you can and focus on something else, even washing up etc and as Anne said, tell her you are extra sensitive at the moment due to he baby and on that point, no matter what sort of relationship you have or had with any stepchildren, they will have difficult wit whatever you do and are bound to say you are not their mother, even if there mother was the worst person in the world, she is still their mother and often, step children will test to see how far they can go, also to get reassurance, remember, the baby maybe a threat to her as well, a good thing to do is to ask her for advice! ask her about her very early memories and re enforce, it is her flesh and blood as well. A lot or teenagers go off to Uni or similar and when they are there, parents have no (or maybe they do) idea of the things they are getting up to!!!!! I have had the lot from my three, Eating disorders, drug use, mixing with baddies!, violent boyfriends, mood swings and aggression etc etc...,stay calm!!!!!
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Yup, that's why I was glad both of mine went to Uni's away from home! Didn't see what was going on in their lives, and so long as the exam results were OK we weren't bothered. Didn't give them cash, gave them foodboxes instead so they couldn't waste OUR money on booze, fags and gambling - quite capable of doing that for ourselves ;D ;D ;D
They've both turned out just fine although one takes after her Dad (fussy, careful with money, well organised, intellectual, likes castles and ancient monuments, chorale music), and the other takes after me (totally disorganised, loves the outdoors, boating, fishing, spends money as fast as it comes in, likes garage and house music)
I'm sure wicked step daughter will come round when she meets her new baby sister or brother in a few months time. Just relax and as Sandy says, ask for her help and advice.
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Don't forget, If you have money people send their children away to boarding or finishing Schools or have nannies!!!!!! I had a phone call from one daughter who studdied Drama, she was laughing as she said she was having a curry night, she shared student accommodation with three young males all studying Drama and media and she said, they suggested the next curry night should be nude to save them making a mess of their clothing!!!!!! I stayed once and there was a wall of bottles, another of Videos (bit before Cd's) cloths drying everywhere and flames comming out of the electric socket when you plugged in the hair dryer, all about growing up!
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Hey dont worry, my brother is 50 something and still acts like a prima donna. Makes you sd sound all sweetness and light.
Like everyone says dont get pulled into it. Just keep looking after that baby. Dont suppose your allowed a glass of wine ? If so go for it.
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Pop her in the car, tell her your taking her shopping. Drive into the middle of nowhere, dump her. Drive off.
When she finally arrives home - scream blue murder for her staying out so late. No one will believe her story that a loving pregnant lady would do such a cruel thing. She will be grounded for life - you get the sympathy you need.
simple ;D
Anyone see why Me n Mel don't have children yet? :D
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Linz, I am sorry to hear of your strifes.
I always think that we hit out hardest and most viciously at the one we love the most, May be because we feel safe with them. So take this behavior as a testimony to her truest feelings for you. This maybe matches with the previous suggestion that she feels a bit threatened by the baby??!!
So, look on the brighter side, she cares about you, she obviously is looking for attention from you! I have always lavished most attention ( btw not toys and presents...just time to listen and care) on my kids when they start lashing out at me. They are 21 (m) and 18 (f) now and are balanced happy young adults with a secure base and a good self esteem. This strategy has never backfired, and if anything, once I realized what was happening, it reduced the frequency of the tantrums! ::)
Please, please, please don't throw her out of the house. This is the most destructive thing that could happen, and would leave life long scars, and rifts of distrust between you. Her home is her sanctuary... it sounds as if the other adults in her life are fragile and inconsistent. Booting her out could also cause deep resentment between her dad and you.
work around this and she will become your best asset!
al the best
Emma
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"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." -
-- Mark Twain
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chucking out was a joke.
I have given up with her at the moment just letting her do her own thing and not interfering. I just don't need much stress at the moment.
but know we are here (but her mother isn't great at the moment push over)
linz
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Speaking as a man, tell her from me, if she thinks that puberty is difficult with all those hormones swishing round, wait 'til she hits the menopause and the hormones stop.
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MENOPAUSE >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(
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Pop her in the car, tell her your taking her shopping. Drive into the middle of nowhere, dump her. Drive off.
When she finally arrives home - scream blue murder for her staying out so late. No one will believe her story that a loving pregnant lady would do such a cruel thing. She will be grounded for life - you get the sympathy you need.
simple ;D
Anyone see why Me n Mel don't have children yet? :D
maybe i should tie her to a tree or park railling
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Speaking as a man, tell her from me, if she thinks that puberty is difficult with all those hormones swishing round, wait 'til she hits the menopause and the hormones stop.
Noooooooooooooooooooooo, i think i would have belted her one by then the rate she is going (am so glad she moved out last year) imagine the stress she would be if she lived here!!!!!
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Hold tight Linz ... I was that SD from Hell ...many years ago .... I changed eventually!!
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Hi Linz,
Heartfelt commiserations.... When I first got to know my new lady, Linda, I had also to meet her grown up kids and, as a new twist to an old tale, she took me home to meet her kids. Her two sons were OK, though I remember a delightful incident the next New Year, when both of them were rather drunk, and they took me to one side and sternly, if hazily, told me to be good to their mum or they'd do dreadful things to me. We now get on really well.
But Linda's daughter was another situation entirely. Living at home at the time, my later-to-become stepdaughter was in the throes of a relationship break-up, and life in the house was fraught - on a good day! Apparently in an effort to get me to leave, so she could have her mum to herself, presumably, she once described me as a ****ing axe-murderer (which I've never been! I've blunted and broken a few tools, but never murdered an axe in my life!). She was frankly impossible for a couple of years, and tested the relationship Linda and I have to the absolute limit. We nearly parted; very, very nearly; but I was incredibly reluctant to let a petulant daughter rule my or her mother's life. So I hung on in there, often losing sleep and sometimes wondering why I bothered....
Well, it all blew over, after about three years. The daughter is now an absolute gem. She respects me for hanging on in there when she was so diffficult, recognising she was, and that it was deliberate, and she chats happily and now asks my opinion and advice quite often. Having now moved out - which was a significant evolution for her; she went to university, which was another milestone; she even rings to speak to me, rather than her mum. It feels odd, but delightful, and I'm proud of my stepdaughter, now. We do look back on the troubled times and laugh now, when at the time we cried. But 'love won through', despite my fears it couldn't.
I really hope your SD evolves into a rational, responsible, agreeable human being in the very near future. I now have no regrets, and I'm really glad I stuck with it.
But, before you ask, once was enough.... I'm not offering to take on your challenge...! But all the best with it / her.
John
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My daughter did try it on with John when I first took him home to meet the kids. Perhaps it was self defence being only one and a half years after her Dad was killed, not wanting John to replace him. Anyway John took it that way, and things settled down fairly quickly as she saw how happy I was, both she and her brother looked on him as their second Dad until he died too. So hang on in there, she's got a good extra Mum.
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It just strange, I don't think her mum helps and with out being paranoide i think she has intentional or unintentional turned her again,
I didn't really know sd to start with so never really had a problem (just the one thing i thought would happen, thinking she would think i would replace her mum) but she moved in and was okay to start with then got on like a house on fire "like sisters" but then i think it all started when her mum moved near and the relationship became frout, she moved out last year her choice because 'she wasn't wanted here' we incuded her into everything we did. It was her that didn't want to do them.
Not given up on her, but am not really making an over effort to talk to her and i havn't said i don't want to talk to her, but just left her to her own devices with her mum and her life. if she wants to talk am her apart from that, i can't really be bothered with her rubbish and lies her dad is the same way at the moment.
life is quiet for the moment, am hiding and attempting to start my ou assignment
Linz