The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: lordlonk on February 12, 2009, 11:09:16 am
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Could be a interesting debate -
I've grown to love the lifestyle that i look forward to having in my world over the forthcoming months and find the whole thing exciting looking for land and what i want to do and the complete change of lifestyle. My ex i have to thank for this and sadly i will be doing this on my own and not with her as i so much hoped would be the case.
Does your partner show the same enthusiasm as you do for all things muddy and self sufficiency ??
Is it just you that gets your hands dirty. ?
Any special jobs that need doing around the farm - allotment that your partner hates doing and you end up every time doing them ??
Wonder if this may become a interesting thread -
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My OH deals with her horse..I do the rest ;)..but thats fine..more fun for me.
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My husband does the woodland etc, will help me with the animals if he has to, willingly helps with the large veg garden.....but the understanding is that the livestock is my interest, which is true, and not his. It is probable that this is because he is a veggie ;D
We both get filthy and generally are both outside sorts!
I don't think it works if you are totally different in your aspirations and come at life from different angles as its difficult to put up with muddy people, muddy kids, muddy dogs etc if you like beige carpets!
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Wish I had one - if only for the comfortable weary silences in the evenings after all the animals and crops have been attended to.
:(
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My OH works long hours, so i feel guilty asking him to do anything with the animals/outside. He very rarely goes outside apart from to the car. I do have a useful neighbour who will help out with the heavy stuff but i don't want to bother him all the time. :-\ :-\ :-\ :-\ :pig:
Thats the reason i love this site, its hard work doing it on your own and you want to tell some one whats gone on or ask advice and the OH only grunts, I've had some great advice from you lot, even just reading old posts is useful, make me realise I'm not the only mad one in the room!!!!!!!!!! ??? ??? ???
OK maybe i am!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :pig: :pig: :farmer:
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my oh doesn't mind doing supper heavy jobs but only when i ask him, he wouldn't d it off his own back though. he wont let me have chickies :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook: :chook:
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Well, in Theory yes. I do all the time consuming jobs and my OH helps when there is some force needed. He has to be prompted , though. He organised getting the birds and left me to get on with looking after them. I don't really mind as long as I get his attention when some things need to be done in the garden I can't do myself. After all it was my dream since I was a teenager so long ago (read John Seymore's books) - so I get on with it! :&>
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i must admite i do most things myself but I forget myself and that i am not a superhero and can't lift stuff and end up hurtting myself !!!
So at the moment i am bad from liftting stuff lol
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Its good to get a response there as you all are replying so feel free to add to the discussion anyone please.
I am going to find it difficult doing all this on my own. I dont have a great knowledge. I am armed with the john seymour book and the grow your own veg book and some epiosodes recorded on tv.
I will also find it so hard to uplift myself to do this as much as i want to as i have had so much drive and ambition to change my life and the driving force was so much to do all this with Nat . Its so much all she wants to do and is doing on her own 4 acres she has been lucky to get and i so much wanted to be the behind the scenes person - getting on with all meand everything that was needed to be done without getting in her way to do all that she will achive. I never ever thought i would be ever consider going through with a smallholding on my own but the determination is 100 per cent with hopefully some major encouragment and help from you all.
Generally is everybody chilled out with what there doing. ??
I so much want a simple simple quiet life from now on - i want to be able to just wake up and be happy-not worry about anything .
Im sure im not far away without going into all the cashflow thing =i'm not rich but can achieve my goals from my own investment once ive managed to sell it . No mortgage so i can achive without borrowing just got to be patient. Very much want to move on tommorrow just cant - so frustrating
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Not worry? I worry about the sheep; I worry about the hens; I worry about why our dogs hate each other (see seperate post). Not worry? You must be joking! :)
Dan's role and mine have changed; I now do much more of the planning - Dan's idea of a good weekend (and mine) is for him to say that he's all mine for the day (this used to mean something quite different!!). I then deploy him to his "To do" list - mostly stuff I can't do myself. We kind of have "his" and "hers" although the demarcation can be breached!
The livestock is mine I suppose - I wanted it so it's my responsibility, but Dan does his share especially in the mornings if I'm getting Lorna ready for school and me ready for work.
It seems to work OK. Except Dan goes mad if I walk through the kitchen in dirty boots!
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I worry about why our dogs hate each other (see separate post). Not worry? You must be joking! :)
It seems to work OK. Except Dan goes mad if I walk through the kitchen in dirty boots!
I would too! You should hear me screaming at Hester and Allez when they open the front door and come rushing in after being round to see the ducks - it's VERY muddy round there.
As for your girls, I think you have them pretty well under control - I've never seen them do more than a lip curl at each other. I can't let Hester anywhere near my other two girls, she'd eat them!
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Generally we're cool...We worry about other things now, the ducks, the predators, the cat, money, money, money, the weather, if we have enough time to do it all. But being out there a few steps away is such a pool of satisfaction, it's worth it.
Just keep going, lordlonk, keep reading, keep asking folks - this forum's been tremendous help over the last few weeks (I feel so much less alone with it all), do it for yourself! :&>
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cheers - Thanks so much - I know i will feel so good in the morning walking on to the land with a nice cup of tea -listening to just the sounds of the land -no cars - no nothing -just calm and relaxtion to dowhat needs to be done -I may even ban myself the national news - maybe just a weekly review - but thanks again - i so much want the simple simple life and to enjoy all over again ....
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My OH takes over, its supposed to be my project as he works and cuts the wood. He is as actively involved as I, and would be more so if I did not take a stand. Which is really great.
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dreamy notions of keeping livestock are fine until its p****ng down with rain and feezing your nuts off then i find the difference between the people whos good idea it was in the first place and the mugs who have to do all the really dirty work, hope im not coming across as grumpy old men but can find it very frustrating sometimes.
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Mel does the garden at home and the cake making! We shares the cooking and chores.
If I shoot it, I have to skin it - fair enough I suppose! We both want the chickens equally.
We both share the allotment plots as well. So I guess its 50 / 50.
I know all about being grumpy and it P*ssing it down! Trying to wrestle a rotavator (thats on hire, so the job has to be done) when its raining is a peach. Or my current favorite - fencing in the snow!!!
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Jane & I split most of the work 50/50. She does more of the horticultural stuff, I do more of the Croft stuff ('cos I can start the Ferguson!).
Animals again 50/50 though Jane is particularly fond of the Hens. We came to Lewis for this lifestyle and it was always going to be a joint thing.
PS. Did you get my e-mail Ian?
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After years of stressful jobs working in Social Services I have grown more and more to love the outdoors life, I am no sports person so doing something out doors is great for me, I even love the cold on my face and with sensible clothing, I prefer taking the dogs out in the winter than when it's hot (not that often), that is as long as I have a warm place to go back to. I love nothing better than to "feel" the weather, the wind in my face and the cold wet air giving me a free reinvigorating blast. We rented initially and lived in a farm cottage on the edge of a vast area of trees, nothing for miles, that walk was high and very open so we both felt it cleared out your lungs and felt revitalized after. My partner feels the same, our only problem is we both like to be out but we have a lot to do inside the house and as the house is our business and takes lot's of maintenance and cleaning, it is also a priority, a part of us would like a small cottage with a large garden looking out into the countryside with a few animals and veg and of course enough money to keep us going but the other part love our life here with our 3 chickens and two dogs and a few herbs....Anyway, a message to Lordlonk, don't dwell on what you had, it will only make you sad, take the opportunity to do concentrate on yourself, do the things that any partner would hate you doing, if you've time to spare, take up a completely new hobby, even find a course doing something you could do with learning, maybe to do with the smallholding, set yourself targets however small, cultivating the land and looking after stock can be so rewarding and physical labour is very stress relieving, have a great day looking forward and don't turn around!!!!
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she loves the produce that comes from teh garden!!!
having a BBQ, walking the dog, living in the country - it's all good!
I do most of the grunt work - but she isn't shy to give me a hand, she'll gladly help lift, shift, clean, dig and whatever she can to help me - sometimes i need more than one pair of hands.
she looks after the house and indulges me when i say "i could do with another greenhouse/Shed/tunnel/whatever!"
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Hi dave and Jane
Good to hear from you on here - i hardly ever check my email box for lord lonk so i will do soo immediatly. I will rememeber to check it daily as i didnt realise messages would go direct there - Willgo and have a peep right nowand will reply - Thanks again for now -- my first lordlonk mail heheh-
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Over the past few months with all the cold and all the wet and dark early nights Ive got use to feeding Nat's cows . Its quite a challenge to get out of the big warm bed to do that but i have done so many times with no apprehension whatsoever. The cows are 3 miles up the road and caring as i am would never want Nat going up there at 4.30 am in the morning to feed them before she went off to work - I would often go with her so she had the support just in case -Many mornings the winds have been strong - the rain has been torrid but weave warmed the milk at home for the calves twice a day took it up and fed them with a teat bar home made that was successful and a third of the price of ones that could be bought.
I have the responsibility of the calves and the cow's for the next 5 Day's and i look forward to it all - I just wish i knew so much more about the cattle - there breeds - there qualities - and so on . I will stick to one breed i think and learn there merits and there qualities -
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Just having another ccoffe break and am worried about you Lordlond, Ian? We are afterall humans, we are NOT perfect, it's just about finding the tolerance level between you both. I never liked my husband and we argued constantly, after 21 years marrage + 6 years courting (old fashioned word) we seperated and, initialy it was bitter then now, we are like friends, he tells me his problems, does his own stuff and I do mine, I have few problems that a bit of extra income wouldn't change, anyway, life is not like romantic novels, I am lucky but I still have a lot to put up with when my partner has a mood swing, one due tonight, but that is him and his charactor, he will apppologises but it is stressful, I found he cannot help the sawings in his mood as hormone levels affect women, I then got to woundering, do animals get fed up with each other? Anyway, if you concentrate on yourself, things will slowly clear a bit and, one day you will see it all as one of lifes hiccups!!! I loved a saying I think was from those of Buddah, "Life is a journey, do not get stuck at the beginning, don't keep looking back or rush to the end, enjoy every step for whatever it brings enriches your life." another saying is, "If you live life in the fast lane, you get to your destination, the end, quicker" so, learn from what you had and move on, I'm off to work for a few min, that keeps me level!!!!!!
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Hi,
My other half is happy to do all the heavy stuff involved in the plans I come up with, and will help out with day to day stuff as long as he's not suffering with gout !
He's definately more into getting on the tractor/digger and playing with power tools and much less inclined towards gardening - but all in all it works for us, and I think that's what counts, as long as you're happy with how you divvy up the work noone feels under too much pressure.
Lordlonk, just wanted to say :-*.........
I'm sorry you're so sad, I know it's a cliche but time (and space) is a great healer (after the initial bottle of Vodka to numb the pain)
Don't want to sound patronising at all, and please, please don't be offended but there are 2 ways to look at it
1) Maybe you'll find that a few years down the line you come back together & it works better because you've grown in different ways.
2) Maybe you'll find someone else who makes you even happier.
One thing I've learned is that you'll not find happiness in others, you've got to be happy in yourself first. My old granny used to say -'If it's for you, it'll not go past you' it's soooo true.
Keep your chin up.
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My OH and I have the work well devided. I do the animals...horses, hens, sheep, dogs and cats. He does all the veg, and trees lawns etc.
I like it that way cos i have the pleasure of my animals jumping up and down with excitement when they see me, his carrots just don't show the same enthusiasm ! and his potatoes just sit there!!!
Yes its tough in the bad weather but I get great satisfaction from battling against the elements to get the animals safe warm and happy.
Emma
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Hi there, this is a good one!
My other half does nothing at all with the animals , plants etc although is perfectly happy to do so if I am out or away, which isnt often. He is very proud of what we have though, he works very long hours in a job wearing a suit to pay for everything we have!!! He throughly enjoys lapping up all the praise when others comment on how beautiful the garden is looking etc, and I have heard him tell others when he doesn't think I can hear that its all down to him!!! :D :D
love him hugely though and appreciate all the hard work he does to let me have my life quite frankly pottering around in my polytunnel etc.
If you get to read this.... Thankyou darling xxx
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Another great subject...
As a family we all "muck in" so to speak. We have 2 teenagers, we all share the workload of feeding and cleaning out the chickens, the 2 rescue rabbits we took on ::) Walking the dogs, making sure our 2 cats are happy and kept seperated at all times ( our Birman hates our wee silver tabby)!
We all do our bit in the greenhouse, maintain the raised beds, do the weeding, we can all cook, bake and clean... oh and do a very good job of shouting at each other lol :D
I know we wouldnt have it any other way....
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Well Lordlonk, one day you will meet someone who will share you life. I was married for 25 years and not a lot of that was happy. I lived with my partner for two years before we got married so alltogether we have been together 13 years. We are what he calls soul mates and enjoy each others company so much that we would rather have a take-a-way and a DVD than go out at the weekend. He had not any experience with animals before he met me but as horses were my interest we bought our house with 5 acreas and two barns. He has over the years taught himself fencing, hanging gates, two years ago one of the barns fell down along one side and would have cost at least £20,000 if we had got someone in. He spent ages looking into how to fix it. Rebuilt the stones walls and put on a whole new roof. He will be putting up our pollytunnel, feeding pigs when they arrive. Weeding may be a problem as I can see him pulling out my plants but every day he makes me happy and I am so lucky to have him in my life. :)
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My oh is ying to my yang. Margot ledbetter to my tom good. i love mucking about outside in muck producing stuff.she loves the corporate high flier life and shopping. the house is a barn conversion with enough rustic charm to satisfy me and enough sofistication to satisfy her. she likes to tell her colleagues about our rural idyll but is yet to come in contact with any poo. I am pretty much left to my own devices as long as it doesn't interfere with her social or work life, and she covers a lot of our expenses. this means i have to go on family holidays which interfere with my smallholding function, but allows me to recharge my batteries( albeit meaning i have to keep our son occupied all day). A reasonable relationship, with enough unity and enough friction to keep us happy.( her colleagues are also rich enough to purchase stuff from me at a higher, means justified price, than my friends, relatives and neighours.) :chook: :turkey: ::)
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lol as long as you are both happy chalk and cheese :)
good to see such differences making a happy couple
Linz
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lol Carl!
My oh had never really lived the smallholder life before he met me. He had certainly never met as many goats! He is very good, he comes out with me to "do" (milk feed and water) the goats every night as my mum does them in the morning. He even mucks out, and has learnt to trim feet, to give vaccinations, to milk and much more. The garden I can't really get him as interested in sadly. He has promised to do my digging for me, but is now muttering about a rotavator instead (wonder why?!). He has proved to be rather good at putting fence posts in, which I am pleased about. We have created two duck runs recently.