The Accidental Smallholder Forum
Community => Coffee Lounge => Topic started by: loosey on April 21, 2011, 02:30:26 pm
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getting up at 7am is a lie-in
you've got the RPA's number on speed dail in your phone
when someone says they live on an estate you think of fields and woods rather than a housing development
you tut at people in tesco buying danish bacon and french bread
you don't sit down to a single hot meal in august
you fall asleep with-in 3 minutes of sitting down in front of the t.v
your sun tan ends just above the elbow in the summer
you get more letters from DEFRA than you do from friends and family
you only take the kids to the seaside when it rains
your hair turns grey at 31
you can't drive along a road anywhere in britain without studying everyone else's crop's and livestock
your 4x4 acctually goes off road
you get frustrated by people calling straw "hay"
You get frustrated by people calling hay "straw"
your ideal holiday is to visit other peoples farms
your hands look like they are made with the same material as your boots
your bag on your hoover is full of grain from july to september
the faint (but agreeable) smell of pooh never leaves you
your most valued possession is your pen knife
track and field has nothing to do with athletics
a lamb follows the children into the kitchen and no one thinks its unusal
you confidently walk around the supermarket in wellies
your lawn includes hundreds of livestock hoof prints
you open a bale and discover an old mobile phone
;D ;D ;D
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;D ;D ;D Great - I suddenly feel like I belong :farmer: :D :D
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lol me too just alittle
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SIT down in front of a tv?
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Thats me down to a T ;D ;D ;D but I also add in a few horsey ones about a shopping trip to the tack shop etc
i am also wondering if i really need to get changed to go to work, surely no-one would mind if i turn up at the hospital in jodphurs !!
Emma T
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Or trips out include making a note of which nearby farmers have what machinery just in case you might need to borrow it ;D
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And don't you get a few looks in the supermarket! Could be the smell of pooh ;)
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Just discovered I must be a farmer ;) ;D ;D ;D
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I get my hessian bags out at the till and deposit straw all over the conveyer belt. Not terribly hygenic!
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It's like when you offer somebody a lift & they take one look at the straw/hay/dog hair on the seats & they recoil in (not very well hidden) horror & (usually) politely decline - even better now I got a Landy - they automatically refuse - thing is it's actually cleaner than the car used to be ;D ;D ;D
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We washed the car for the first time in years.... there are still strands of hay tangled up round the windscreen wipers!
Another 2 years for my grey hair then, but apart from that, Spot on!
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Thats cheered my day right up that has, I sometimes wonder much the same things.....
I have always been a bit of a 'scum' and love the the stinks of farming, I always wonder if I'll ever get kicked out of tesco for the s**t on my jeans.
The one thing is- I dont have kids - though I often wonder if thats because I am a stinking mother fucker or if the excuse works both ways.!?
Every farming house I have visited is in exactly the same state as mine, my car is a mess, the yard the same - but its my mess and its all work in action. I challenge anyone to cope any better!!
If your farm is clean - your not farming.
Baz
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Baz :wave:
HOW can you say you're a farmer & then go to T***o :o
or is ot just to see if they'll kick you out ;) ;D
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Hoover....July-September? My best friend picks up the broom on her way into my kitchen and sweeps the floor (that's why she's my best friend :D)
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that's brilliant!! and makes me feel so much better about the little boy lamb that wanders round our kitchen waiting for his bottle ;D
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Thats me down to a T ;D ;D ;D but I also add in a few horsey ones about a shopping trip to the tack shop etc
i am also wondering if i really need to get changed to go to work, surely no-one would mind if i turn up at the hospital in jodphurs !!
Emma T
All brilliant and I love this one above too - people keep telling me sarcastically I shouldn't have bothered getting dressed up to see them - I just say its that 'I'm so rich I don't have to worry about holy t shirts look' - well, it 'sa look....! :D
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Same for us except for lamb read piglet. Oh and the dust can get to more than 4 inches thick.
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am cooking a big family roast today with people coming who are not animal-minded. currently shoving sacks of lamlac out of site, mopping a floor that's not seen water for weeks and trying to spray febreze to hide any farm smells!! weird how we become a bit immune to it really? lol
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you open a bale and discover an old mobile phone
no mobile in ours - but several half tennis balls the dogs had lost early in the year
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Yep! Just about sums it up. At the moment I constantly smell of sheep wee 'cos I keep picking up the lambs and they suck my ears, nose, chin etc... if they have just had a feed off their mums then their snouts stink of wee. Just to top that off, I'll feed one of the bottle fed ones and it will invariably pooh all down my t-shirt and jeans. :D
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No farmer, only chickens but I often go to the supermarket with muddy wellies and leaves and straw in my hair!!!!!! Love it!!!!! I do spray a bit of Impuse (horrid stuff) to camaflage the smell of dog treats and stale pond water and poo!!
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Another thought, possibly an advantage, you can always find your (filthy) car in the biggest most crowded supermarket car park because it stands out like a sore thumb
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Oh dear - this thread is making farmers/smallholders sound more like 'dirty, smelly, can't be bothered to clean up' types. Many of us are not, honest.
:farmer: ;D
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Oh dear - this thread is making farmers/smallholders sound more like 'dirty, smelly, can't be bothered to clean up' types. Many of us are not, honest.
:farmer: ;D
I think that it's more can't find the time rather than can't be bothered. ::) that's my excuse and I am sticking to it ;D
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Well, yesterday I DID make an effort, dress, tights, earings and necklace but still ended up with dog hair and leaves all over me, a chip stuck in my cleveage that Rhum found when I got back from that posh resturant McDonalds, and then left a trail of mud into our lounge as I did not take off my shoes that I had just been out to the chickens in"""" Oh well, carn't say I did not try ::)
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.......Well, yesterday I DID make an effort, dress, tights, earings and necklace but still ended up with dog hair and leaves all over me, a chip stuck in my cleveage that Rhum found when I got back from that posh resturant McDonalds.....
Coo - you dress up for McD's!!!!? :o
I hope that Rhum isn't your neighbour / bank manager / doctor / dentist...... :D :D
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Its quite lucky that in rural areas it seems to be pretty much accepted that you may stink a little and you may only have one pair of footwear - ie boots.
I can imagine if I went to london and went shopping in harrods I'd get a few looks.
I was once was waiting outside Swansea train station for my driving lesson and an old woman came and gave me 20p for a cup of tea. Cheeky old mare - but obviously a nice gesture had I actually needed a cuppa :)
Baz
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:oRhums our Chocolate lab, McDOnalds was my once in a while treat as I dare NOT eat there, weight issues that are creeping up again!!!!! Today, I have reverted back to my strechy joggers and hoody, wellies are off now and too big crocks on, style guru me!!
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OMG i'm a farmer.
OH despairs because i go to the local SPAR shop in my wellies and piggy work clothes, he drives with the window down and says i smell of boar pig!! :D
Didn't find my mobile in a bale of straw though, fell out of my pocket whilst cuddling Clover pig and by time i realised and went back to find it she had trashed it!!
We've also had pigs in the kithcen too, left the back door open and came round corner to find two of my gilrs hoovering up the contents of the kitchen bin ;D
Off to move some straw, doesn't it just get everywhere!!!!!!!!!!
Mandy :pig: ;D
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thats all soooo true...but i love it all ::) :P
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My best friend from Paris originally came to visit because she had heard I had a pig in the house!
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I have friends coming today that keep chickens and a dog so I thought I better clean up it has taken 3 days didn't realise I had so much haylage left mostly in the bathroom where I get changed. I still have the drive to sweep and hose down, stable to clean out after messy lambs and feed bags to collect from the feed store and dispose of. It is a given that they will want to feed the lambs and sheep and go gaga over the horse and pigs so I better clear a safer path to the feed and put all the shears, hoof trimmers and knives away safely so the little one doesn't get hurt or cut.
I have even washed my mucking out clothes to try and look a bit more presentable, don't get me wrong I work in an office 5 days a week where hair, makeup and suits are required (even though the wellies are in the car as heels just don't get me on and off the holding) but at home I look more like worzel gummidge on a daily basic and smell just like the holding and animals.
I had to go to the supermarket yesterday to buy yes some processed food as my friends are not used to my fresh food and try to be polite and eat some but not enough to actually sustain themselves. Didn't realise how expensive food had become I normally just get flour, butter etc for baking I don't normally buy pre packed foods at the checkout I nearly had heart failure.
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;D ;D ;D
All this looks so familiar - it's just that there is so little time for housework, especially at this time of year - the only time it gets done now is when it's raining ::)
I just pre-warn visitors that wellies are mandatory (& that's for INSIDE :D ) & that they'll have to wipe their feet on the way out ;D ;D ;D
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Oh dear - this thread is making farmers/smallholders sound more like 'dirty, smelly, can't be bothered to clean up' types. Many of us are not, honest.
:farmer: ;D
I certainly am NOT a 'dirty smelly, cant be bothered to clean up' type, but..I get up at 5.30 am and this morning, before I had even had a cup of coffee I had fed the chickens and turkeys, milked the goats, fed them and cleaned them out, made a batch of cheese, made bread and an egg custard and walked the dogs...all before most 'non dirty,smelly and let's live in a sparkling sterile home' types have even got out of bed. It's not that I 'can't be bothered' but just that I really dont have time to dust and polish. I also don't see the point of changing into stockings and heals to go to the feed merchant, and if I happen to need to pop into tesco at the same time, well...so be it
And to be honest...I wouldn't swap a single piece of straw on my floor for a life without my stinking dogs and wellies with poo on :D
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Oh dear - this thread is making farmers/smallholders sound more like 'dirty, smelly, can't be bothered to clean up' types. Many of us are not, honest.
:farmer: ;D
I certainly am NOT a 'dirty smelly, cant be bothered to clean up' type, but..I get up at 5.30 am and this morning, before I had even had a cup of coffee I had fed the chickens and turkeys, milked the goats, fed them and cleaned them out, made a batch of cheese, made bread and an egg custard and walked the dogs...all before most 'non dirty,smelly and let's live in a sparkling sterile home' types have even got out of bed. It's not that I 'can't be bothered' but just that I really dont have time to dust and polish. I also don't see the point of changing into stockings and heals to go to the feed merchant, and if I happen to need to pop into tesco at the same time, well...so be it
And to be honest...I wouldn't swap a single piece of straw on my floor for a life without my stinking dogs and wellies with poo on :D
Totally agree - with the exception that you wouldn't catch me with or without wellies on in T****s ::) ;)
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LOL...totally agree with you Beewyched but unfortunately we don't have a choice. The nearest (big) supermarket apart from the dreaded T****s is 120 miles away :(
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I bet you had lovely, local village stores/post office etc before they turned-up - like parasites - they get everywhere & kill the local, native (wild ;) ) life ??? >:(
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I just pre-warn visitors that wellies are mandatory (& that's for INSIDE :D ) & that they'll have to wipe their feet on the way out ;D ;D ;D
A friend of mine says, "In some houses you take off your shoes to protect the carpets. In some, you keep your shoes on to protect your socks. Sally's house is of the latter type." ;D That's the thing about friends - they love you for who you are.
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You also need to include:
Your study is full of incuabtors and brooder cages full of slightly whiffy chicks.
It's easier to find some baler twine than your makeup
Your 3 yo announces to the in laws "I love chicken poo"
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Having just had our first lambs and me needing to cuddle one to get it dry and warm followed by further cuddling to get it to feed I stank of sheep. However, I have to say I have developed a liking for it. Although I appreciate it is not to everyones taste. I also like the smell of well-rotted manure and warm soil. Much better than the chemical sprays and sanitisers used in some houses. Still slightly stinky and proud! :sheep: :sheep: ;D ;D
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You know you're a farmer when ...
... the ewes start to nicker at you, as you now smell as much like a newborn lamb as you do like a human
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I've only just seen this ;D ;D ;D and I've just read out the initial post to hubby who said "that's just a bit too near to the truth" whilst we were both in hysterics. Brilliant.
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It's nice to know it's not just us! What with lambing and trying to pot on millions of plants, keeping the house tidy is low on the list of priorities at this time of year.
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This weekend we have had, sister in law to feed the lambs and sit the dog, my sister who came to an Aunties 90th birthday party with us and then on Sunday my daughter and granddaughter turned up. The vacuum cleaner is full of hay, I really do not understand just how much gets everywhere even upstairs. I mix the Lamlac in the kitchen sink, only place to do it and have strict hygiene rules, these can never apply when someone is helping. I did attempt to dust the most obvious places and did wash the floors but may as well not have bothered after a few hours it looks just the same. I am beginning to believe that it doesn't really matter as long as it's not too dirty. I really don't like the fact that I do occasionly shop at T...... it is rare as it is a long way from us.
Have got into the habit of wearing a boiler suit for dirty jobs, lamb feeding, mucking out but still seem to drag debris into the house.
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Since we moved in I found a thick layer of brown 'dust' everywhere. Never had an AGA before and had it checked, but its all ok, but the man said thats the reason for the amount if dust. Now who should I be to argue ;D ;D. I cannot argue with the professional surely and the AGA is most needed as the only form of hot water heating and food heating supply in the house. So I now 'let it go'. If anyone visiting such as in-laws those with white gloves and anal fixation for cleaning I just explain its not me its the AGA ;D ;D ;D ;D
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In preparation for my Parisian friends visit this week I vacuumed and polished the oak floor, dusted everywhere, cleaned the windows, washed and ironed the curtains and sofa covers. All back and looking lovely. Door banged open in marched Digby, followed by dog, both had been paddling in the pond. On the way to his sofa Digby cleaned himself on the dresser leaving mud everywhere. Postman drov past open door, dust from bone dry road sending a light covering of dust everywhere, then a chicken marched in and !"£" on the floor. At which point my friend from Paris arrived looking elegant, chic and clean. C'est la vie and I wouldnt change a thing :D
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that is great and makes me realise why I love this lifestyle.
I knew i was a farmer when...
i go out through the front door and i have a trail of animals following me including 6 chickens and 10 lambs. This is the life! :sheep: :sheep: :sheep: :sheep: :sheep: :chook: :chook: :chook:
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It's OK when they follow you on the way out - mine tend to follow me on the way in though. ;D
I broke with tradition on easter Sunday though - I mopped the kitchen floor for the 1st time in 2 years - it's amazingly clean now, though the mop could stand up in the bucket after the first pass. ;D ;D
mab
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Turned the AGA off for the summer and so will not have the excuse anymore. :-[ Know your are farmer when you sit on a train and spot the ewe due to lamb. are sitting as the passenger in the car and when in slow traffic compare their (in any fields) soil/animals/weeds with yours... Forget where you put your shoes but instinctively know were your wellies are.
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I have only just seen this and it is by far the best thing I have read in a long time. Will email it to the OH as soon as I am done trying to by a book called 'diseases of the goat' and a hand milker for the goatling who doesnt want to share her milk. Soo selfish of her ::)
I decided that enough was enough and washed my coat and jeans after I popped into the bank this week and no-one wanted to stand very close to me in the queue. You know how these things are, just quickly pop to the bank, i'll only be 5 minutes....
However when I came to put my stuff in the machine I had god knows how many off-cuts of twine from penning up kidding goats, 2 pritchard teats, my trusty pen-knife that I have permanently borrowed from the OH (needs sharpening though..) and and ear tag.
I can see how the OH finds it hard to resist me. ;D
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Love this, now I can say I am normal !!!