Well I think you will all tell me that it won't have worked, but
some things seemed to go right!
At the start she would stand for me, so we switched to BH pressing on her back while I tried to insert the catheter. (Lubricated with liquid paraffin, inserted at 30 degree angle upwards.) Several times she stood (muttering sweet nothings) but only for a few inches' of insertion, then (muttering annoyance, once verging on squeal) moved away.
There was quite a bit of following her around the pen, 'foreplay' (only on this forum... !), but every time the same, happy at first but then moving away.
Eventually, since she seemed to like the attention back there, I decided to see if she would just let me insert the catheter without anyone pressing on her back. Blow me, she did. I got it quite a long way in (maybe about 4-5 inches of the tube left showing) and then felt it stopped, so screwed it anticlockwise until it seemed locked - releasing pressure on it, it stayed put, didn't twist back round or start to come back out. Got the bottle contents in, taking several goes, doing it slowly and removing the bottle to let air into it a few times. She did start to move around, only a little, and some did come back out of the end of the catheter before I got the bung in, a little did spill out of the vulva at one point, and there was some left in the catheter when I withdrew it, but nothing like the whole bottle. I don't think
none of it went in, but in my inexperience I can't be sure I really had it right. However, I feel happy to do bottle no. 2 tomorrow!
BH went off feeding heifers the instant it was over, I stayed talking to Meg and stroking her. Rather like life, eh?